Roller Coaster Week

This week has had some downs...and slight ups...

It started out with a fun trip to the ENT. Kendal needs her tonsils and adenoids out. Due to insurance we decided to do it before the next year. So we did some praying and talking and decided it was best to do it next week instead of the week of Christmas.

I in a way lost a family member this week. The person didn't die or get ill. Didn't move away. The person just has a new family. Divorce, separation, abandonment really hit me hard. As you know from my past I take stuff like this very personally. I spent most of Tuesday night and Wednesday night crying my eyes out. Doubting God and the reason we are even on this earth.  “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24) was more like it...I believe and I do know God has plans for this person. I was just personally not willing to accept this plan at that moment. I have since then prayed a lot and talked to a couple of great friends. They assured me that it will be okay and there are ways I can be in this person's life still.

Feeling down makes me want to bake. It makes my heart happy. So I baked a lot of cookies and treats this week. I gave a few of them away but eating them also makes my heart happy. The smell of the food and the cinnamon made me think of Grandma Ella. I miss seeing her red Christmas sweat shirt with her gold angel pinned to the collar. I miss her shaking her finger at me telling me not to go near her feet. I started to cry, again.

Friday morning I had planned to go to target, get home for preschool, wrap some gifts and go to work that night. Instead, My car didn't want to start. My aunt came to my rescue. My stomach decided it didn't want to work either. We had to pull off the road to make it home from Wichita. I then tried to nap and couldn't even lay on the couch. Everything made me dizzy and just sick. I started to call people to work for me and it didn't look like anyone was going to be able to do it. I drove to get the girls from school and had to throw up in a shopping bag. I knew I couldn't work around food and make people lattes. (You want a side of FLU with that? Come on its FREE! Everyone is trying!) Luckily one person was willing to change her plans to come in for me. I was very grateful. I was able to sleep and felt better about 3 a.m.

This morning I woke up refreshed ready to clean and get the house back in order. The girls and I listened to music EXTREMELY LOUD and got everything on my list checked off. We sat down and made Hero Christmas Cards. We have a very special hero, getting ready to serve our country, in our family. I cried when he went to boot camp. I knew this day would probably happen. I just wished I was wrong. He is a strong man, a wonderful father to his little girl and one of my favorite cousins. (Don't worry, you are all my favorite!)
Joshua 1:9 "I command you, be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go". I wrote this on the card and then I realized maybe I needed to hear this. In this week of crazy. God is with me.


After the week of emotions again the water works started. My kids are beginning to think that Christmas is the saddest time of the year. Then they wake me up with snot in my face and tell me I smell like rats. God gave me three ways to instantly smile. I am so grateful!

I have had more then a handful of women tell me this week "you are a great mom don't ever doubt that" I really needed this week. Thank you all for being my personal angels. God put you in my life and I am the luckiest girl to have you.