Art of Marriage

Friday and Saturday night Donnie and I were able to attend an Art of Marriage "retreat". Our church, Hesston MB, put this on with a bunch of help. We only had to pay $25. We didn't have to get a motel, drive, go out to eat, or anything expensive. We were even fed snacks, lunch on Saturday and drinks provided all weekend. We couldn't get all of that for $25 let alone the materials and time people put in to make it happen. I had been counting on this weekend for a while now.

Thursday night Donnie came home from AGCO and said he had to work overtime. I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach. Really!?! My bible study girls were praying for this weekend. I had been praying for this weekend. In 20 seconds everything I had looked forward to was blown out of the water! Donnie said it's $250 worth of overtime. When you have a stack of doctor bills on the counter $250 is a lot of money! He knew I was disappointed and asked if I was mad at him. I said of course I'm not mad at you it's not your fault. I was extremely disappointed.

I talked to one of our Pastors he said he'd be praying. My friends said they would keep praying some how it will work out.

Friday night we went to the church. Donnie and I had a great GREAT evening.  We were asked about why we first wanted to marry our spouse and what attracted us to our spouse. Both of us out of our comfort zone. We didn't split into groups with other couples. We didn't stand up and share our feelings. We just sat side by side and talked. I even took my shoes off and curled up on the chair like I was watching t.v. at home. It was very laid back.

"The ultimate purpose of marriage is to reflect God's image."

We learned things that people should know before they get married. How selfish we both can be and ways to deal with that instead of anger or hurt.

I don't think I had ever heard the message about cleaving to your spouse. I felt like I was learning so much and I didn't want the night to end. At one point we had to list three things that cause a problem in our marriage. Each of the problems went back to the first one.

After our first session I wrote on the side of the book..."Will you get in trouble if you call in tomorrow? I want you to be here with me." 

If you get a chance google "free fall" by greg ferguson

I have heard the story of Adam and Eve and the fruit...probably 100 times or more. But that night was the first time I really soaked in what was being said. I really processed and thought about what it meant. Shame, Guilt, Fear, Blame Shifting, Battle for Control...all these emotions came from that.

Donnie and I thought about how our differences actually benefit each other. We learn from things and we don't have to agree on everything. We don't have to enjoy everything the other one enjoys.

Are you in a marriage based on the t.v. show, Let's Make A Deal?  That show only lasted 14 seasons on television. "Do you want a 14 season run?"  

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." Ephesians 2:8-9

This was all in the first night!! We went home with some homework. We prayed about what we had learned and our marriage. I prayed that Donnie's boss would call and say "Never mind about the overtime." Donnie asked me how upset I was going to be if he went to work Saturday. I told him I wouldn't be mad at him. I understand the responsibility and his word means a lot to him. He doesn't want to call in sick when he's not sick. He doesn't do that kind of thing. He doesn't want to let his coworkers down. They are giving up their Saturday to work too. He set his alarm. I said I could go to the church and take notes. We can talk about it afterwards.

Saturday morning....6:40 Donnie was still in bed....I nudged him and said "Why aren't you at work you are late!?!?" He didn't call in sick. Instead he called in and said..."My wife and I have a marriage conference and that's where I need to be today" He excepted whatever points/hits he was going to take. He excepted that we will not have that extra money on payday. I was so excited!! Donnie does unselfish things a lot. I don't mean for it to come off that way. But he PICKED ME and our marriage over work and money. That's how I felt.

The morning sessions hit us straight in the gut. "What does it mean for a husband to be the head of his wife?'  "what should a husband do if his wife will not follow his leadership?" "what is the woman's role in marriage?" How to support and respect your husband/wife. I realized that was something I needed to hear and learn about.

Our first break we were to write a love letter to our spouse. There was a list of things to write about and express. We broke off around the church. We prayed together and wrote our letters. I think on my hand I can count how many times Donnie has written down feelings. I'm not knocking that. That isn't his personality. He didn't write a 2 page essay. He wrote about a paragraph and that's all it took.  I felt like I was on cloud 9. If he had not called into work we would have missed those sessions and that part of the weekend.

There are so many topics that I would be here another hour typing everything. How to handle conflict, anger, and confronting your spouse. Seeking forgiveness and meaning it! Then giving that forgiveness AND MEANING IT!  We learned about sex and what the bible says about it. Communicating about sex. Praying about sex. Why it's important... stuff we had never talked about before.

"I'm convinced that for most couples, you fix sexual dysfunction outside of the marriage bed." --Paul David Tripp

The last story was the first time at the conference I wanted to cry. The story was so touching. It gave me the big picture. That is what I want when I'm 80-90 whatever age..when I'm old. I want to leave a legacy to my children, grandchildren, great grandchildren. What kind of legacy are we leaving now compared to what we want to leave. We stood holding hands and pledged to each other the legacy we want to leave. We pledged to make our  marriage a priority.

9 hours of videos and time is worth more then $250. More then $25 to get to attend. More then any amount of money we could have spent. This weekend was what we needed. The days Donnie works 10 hours at AGCO then another 4 hours at BMG. The weeks that we only have dinner together once. It affirmed that we are doing the right things and for a reason. We are not just in robot mode going through the actions. We love God, we love our marriage, we are in love (not just love each other but IN love), and mean the world to each other. 

All I can say is....

Thank you Lord for allowing this weekend to happen.