Like A Mom

You know the story. I was raised by my Grandparents. I went to stay with them for a week during my 5th grade year of school. A week turned into two. Two weeks turned into a month. A month turned into a year. 

Every year for Mother's day I find my Grandma a "like a mom" card. She says they are extra special because no one else gives her a like a mom card. 

My Grandma has been falling. She can't get up on her own very well. She loses her balance and falls. My Grandpa can not lift her. It's not his fault. She has Parkinson disease and it has slowly gotten worse. When my Grandma fell a year and half ago, the girls and I found her on the floor. I had to call 911. It was one of the scariest things. Just being helpless. 

Today was rough. I went with my Grandma to the doctor's office. The nurse asked her who was with her today. She looked at me and said "Not Erin". She looked at Kirsten and said her name. She looked back at me and said "Not Shawn." Then back to my Grandpa looking at him for help. Then she said "Shari's daughter." Not once saying my name. I didn't cry. I didn't get mad. I just sat quietly wanting. She never said it. I want to believe that she knew my name but just got confused and went on with the next question. I want to think that it was a hard day for her too.  She would not admit to falling twice in the last weekend. She would not admit to needing some help. She doesn't want this. They admitted her to the hospital.

Leaving the hospital my Grandpa hugged me and he started to cry. He thanked me for my time today. I feel like it wasn't enough. He thanked me for speaking up. He loves her so much.  

Tonight my kids are asleep. I sat to read my bible. I barely had the pages open and the tears started. Why God? Why does it have to be like this? I want my Grandma that was there when I was born. I want my Grandma that made me dumplings when my tummy hurt. I want my Grandma that held me for months crying myself to sleep because I wanted my mom to come home to me. I want my Grandma that did everything in her power to give me a good life when all the odds were against me. I just want my Grandma. 

Please pray for my Grandparents.