Empty Nest

Once again, it's been a while since I've blogged. Bare with me. 

For five years I've told myself, once the girls are in school I'll have a job. I'll be making so much money and we'll be able to put money into savings for a house. We won't be worried paycheck to paycheck. It's just going to be wonderful thing. 

The girls started school. I started a new job. I spent every morning crying on the way to work. I spent a few mornings locking myself in the staff bathroom trying to figure out how to get to the next class without someone asking me if I had been crying. Kylie would beg me to stay home and take her to school. She would beg me to pick her up at 11. Kendal cried because she left homework at home and she couldn't call me. She got a late grade on the paper. She told me if I was home she could have called me to bring it to her. She needs to be responsible for her papers but it still hurt my heart. I felt like I wasn't there for my girls. 

I decided making $18 a day wasn't worth all of that. I quit. 

Now I'm home and I feel better but worse in other ways. I take the girls to school then come home and sleep. I sleep until it's time to pick up Kylie at 11. Tomorrow she starts all day kindergarten. Then I won't have to wake up until 12 when Donnie comes home for lunch. Before you start asking if I'm depressed, yes I feel as though I am. 

I have spent 11 years of my life being a mom. I've had part time jobs but I was still home with them for a good part of the day. I'm just sad. The chapter of my children being small is over. The chapter of having a baby is over. The chapter of them needing me for everything is over. They still need me, I know that. I still cuddle with them on the couch to read books. I still giggle and laugh with them about their days. But from 8 to 3 it will be silent. Dead silent in my house.

I have more than enough things to clean, organize, get rid of...I could be busy for weeks doing stuff around my house. But instead I sleep. 

Has anyone else experienced this? A friend said it's like empty nest. How will I survive it when they really leave the house? 

Please keep us in your prayers. I am thankful for an understanding Husband. He checks on me every day. He knows when I need a hug. I'm thankful for the friends that are doing the same. You guys are awesome. I love you, all. Thank you for not laughing at me but with me.